A Letter to a Friend

It has been awhile since I have written to you.  I looked and it was last November when I last wrote.  So I have a lot to tell you.

My last PET Scan revealed that the Radiation and Keytruda therapy is working.  My doctor put the scan results from the current test and the one before it side by side.  You could see a major difference.  The new test showed a lot less cancer cell activity.  My doctor told me that the next test might show more cell activity, because the radiation that I went through has the ability to mask some of the cell activity.  So don’t freak out if I tell you in my next letter that there is more cancer cell activity.

I am hoping that the next test, which is the day after Valentine’s Day, will show the cause for the pain I am having on the left side of my abdomen.  I am expecting the test to show some cancer activity, but I am hoping that it is the same as the last one or even better.

The holidays were a mixture of emotions.  I was depressed that I didn’t get to spend it with my family, but I was happy that I got to spend it with my wife.  Sure I was in a lot of pain.  When am I not in pain?  I learned that the holidays are as depressing for some for they have no one to spend them with.  I won’t lie to you, fighting cancer and having to do it alone sucks.  Now don’t get me wrong here.  I know that I am not alone for the most part.  You have to realize that I am by myself for the majority of the day.  I spend a lot of time in my recliner watching TV or playing games.  My wife has been working a lot and her shifts have varied.  So my waking hours are different from hers.  We are alone here.  None of our family or friends live nearby.  So in that aspect it has been hard for the both of us.  At least we have each other and we have others to talk to on the phone.  That is better than not having anybody at all.

I missed writing to you.  Everytime that I looked at this laptop, I thought that I should write to you.  Sitting at my desk or at the table hurts me eventually.  So when I did get on here, I usually worked on my stories or the other things I needed to do.  By the time I had a moment to write to you the pain got the better of me and I gave up on the idea.

I learned something else during the past few months.  Well actually I’ve known this for a long time.  It just became more obvious over the past few weeks.  I have friends that are just waiting to hear that I have died.  They don’t want to spend any time with me because they think that I am fighting a losing battle.  I’m not sure what it is that they would benefit from when I die.  They are not in my will, nor are they in any position to receive anything from me.  I believe that the only reason they would attend my funeral is that they are wanting sympathy from others.  So I have let my wife and family know that they wouldn’t be missed if they weren’t allowed to attend any event for me.

I know that the only way you get any information on my journey with cancer is through these letters, so I will try harder to write to you more.  I am not expecting you to do anything, but be there for me to write to and vent all of my issues and stuff.  This helps me out as well, and knowing that you are there to read these makes me feel better.  Even though most of the time it is one sided.

I recently saw the doctor that first ordered the test that eventually found the cancer.  She told me that she thought that she was talking to a dead man.  She did tell me that she is happy that the advancement in medicine and the ability to beat cancer is a surprise to her.  She also told me that she is happy that I am doing as well as I am.  I’m not holding anything against her for that.  Come on man, she is only my doctor, what should I expect?  I’m grateful that she ordered the test that found the cancer.  Had we waited much longer, then I wouldn’t be here today.  So when she said that she thought she was talking to a dead man, I am not shocked.  When I was diagnosed, I was stage 3.  Most stage 3 cancer patients don’t make it.  The advancements in gene therapy have saved my life.

I’m not going to promise that I will write to you on a weekly basis or anything like that, but I will try to write to you more often.  When I first started writing to you, I wrote more often.  Let’s see if I can at least do that.  I plan on letting you know about my treatments and such.  I still plan on writing reviews on movies.  Maybe you can share your comments on the movies I review.  That could be fun.  I mostly want to share my experience with fighting cancer in hopes that someone who is going through it finds these letters and can relate and hopefully feel better.  Since fighting cancer is a personal experience, finding out that someone else is thinking or experiencing the same thing makes the journey easier to deal with.

So my friend, I will end this letter with this; Writing to you helps me remember that I am not alone in this fight.  That there are people out there that care enough to read my letters and sometimes respond by leaving comments that help me feel better and that some of them even make my day.  So until the next letter, take care my friend and may the force be with you…